Today, my boyfriend decided it’d be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML Source: 03e31c8754b8202dc9767927c512dd2d91ba32a5

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML Source: 5029a4683811355839c333cc4e268e8314e2d619

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he’s not sleepwalking. FML Source: 183de117a4e7dfc253806457ff20a1ba05c3c315

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver’s side window as a barf receptacle. FML Source: 61f119303281dea0fecdd237d787d234e2301270

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML Source: 57ec862e60d8eb911ff83616adc9ff0da39a2713

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
Source: c8d29e3dd23598e2033c05e440f5c1d630a1f977

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I’m 23. FML Source: 604636862972b02738a5d15c5f5667ef8a1420e5

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML Source: 5df9d483b9658c5986e00ecf05d6b73ed59c2e63

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I’m getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML Source: a0dcf719f741ff48e826a933e7eb1b1411d899a2

Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML Source: f63eb88112a4b3d73a58967fcc5c7149cbc2f4b7